Why already? Are we gettin’ all Puff Daddy, P Diddy, Sean Combs– what’s he callin’ himself now all up on you?
No!
We’re still the blog fur literate dogs who have something to say and this is still a special place where they say it. We’re still the blog fur guys and gals who are doing interesting things without wailing, whinning or excessively spinning tales of woe.
We’re still smart, curious, interested in conversation, information, community and fun. We’ve just added Endorphin to our name to distinguish us from all the other bulldognations out there and to place the emphasis on feel good without the phony, pithy platitudes or the transparent emotional manipulation. We’re by dogs, fur dogs and mostly all about dogs! And we’re not mad at anybody.
We finally now have a name and a place that is wholly, exclusively all our own. No sports.
#bullDogENdorphiNATION!
We’re walking on sunshine! And don’t it feel good?
Bark! is a quirky dramedy you likely neither saw nor heard of. The film failed to gain national release and was marketed poorly even after it went straight to video.
I happened to catch it quite by accident during an afternoon of channel surfing. I landed on the Sundance Channel. That’s where you may find Bark! There or the video store. Or NetFlix. Or iTunes.
Bark tells the story of Peter and Lucy, a regular, young married couple living together in Los Angeles whose regular, young married lives have been summarily disrupted by the sudden onset of Lucy’s mental illness.
No, it’s not the best bit of filmmaking or even storytelling you’ll ever see. It is, however, one of those quietly unfolding, simplistically drawn stories you roll about in your head like a delicacy in your mouth in order to get at all the subtle textures and flavors. It’s a film that just sorta stays with you.
The acting is so casual you may feel like you’re eavesdropping. Even the coiled, stylized performance tics and vocal meanderings of Vincent D’Onofrio as Malcolm work.
In Bark, D’Onofrio, currently of Law & Order: Criminal Intent, plays Malcolm, a psychiatrist too consumed with his own social and emotional demons to be very much help to anyone seeking his services let alone Peter, played by Lee Tergesen.
You may recognize Tergesen as the beleaguered, professional “victim” of HBO’s Oz. Make no mistake, Bark is a tour de force star vehicle for Lee Tergesen (or at least it probably was supposed to be) who appears in just about every scene.
The film is about Peter and is told entirely from his point of view. It is he who must make sense of the unexplained mental collapseof his adored and adorable wife, Lucy, a professional LA dog walker played by the film’s screenwriter, Heather Morgan.
Over time, and almost completely unnoticed by close family and friends, Lucy begins to unravel, overwhelmed as she is by the kinetic city life with its sounds and furies, and occasional clashes with Mean People.
She succumbs to the sensory overload and gradually begins a sideways spiral into schizophrenia. The mental disconnect is complete when one day she suddenly stops talking and starts barking.
When the last thread of the fabric of her mental well being snaps, she, like Kafka’s Gregor Samsa, unable to cope with the demands of every day living, changes into a dog.
As her long-suffering, confused husband, Peter is also patient. Even when there is an opportune, reciprocal attraction involving his veterinarian, Darla, played with her trademark whinny befuddlement by Lisa Kudrow, Peter remains, emotionally at least, true blue. This without any self-serving speechifying or moralistic preachiness. His is a kind of plodding perseverance, his love and committment to the marriage, and his determined focus on seeking professional help for his wife override an understandably needful, but momentary lapse.
At one point, Lucy’s incessant barking threatens the couple with eviction from their apartment. Peter’s exasperated appeal to the building superintendent is the pivot point in the narrative of the movie, having the effect of releasing the tension building in the film while forcing family, friends and neighbors to come face to face with the content of their own true characters. Will they fall on the side of compassion or contempt?
Lee Tergesen delivers a quiet, journeyman-like performance full of heart with an appropriate level of tension and yet at once sympathetic. You really feel for this man and the unusual circumstance he finds himself in. It’s a portrait of a man’s unwavering fidelity in what is for a certainty, the “for worse.., in sickness” phase of his fledgling marriage.
It’s what lingers in the mind of the moviegoer long after the last of the credits have rolled, the lights have come on and everyone has left the theater. It’s what makes the character both tragic and heroic. Lee Tergesen’s Peter projects a vulnerable steadfastness to and acceptance of Lucy, even if she is a dog. He wistfully recalls, in a series of short flashback sequences, the laughing, young, pixie coed he fell in love with. Peter never really loses sight of who she is.
That’s the beauty of this diamond-in-the rough called Bark! While Lucy barks and manifests all the physical and behavioral attributes of a dog, Peter, both emotionally and intellectually, is one– loyal, committed, non-judgemental, he stands by and supports his wife no matter what. Like any good dog, he is always and forever her friend first.
Bark is less a story about mental illness, than it is a story about unconditional love, acceptance, approval, commitment– and good friendships.
Bark. You ought’a dig it up!
BarkRated GRun time: 100 MIN.Released March 4, 2004
A First Look Media and Propaganda Films production in association with High Wire Films. Produced by Tom Reed, Alicia Allain. Co-producer, Heather Morgan. Directed by Kasia Adamik. Screenplay, Heather Morgan.
Principal CastPeter – Lee TergesenLucy – Heather MorganDarla – Lisa KudrowMalcolm – Vincent D’OnofrioSam – Hank AzariaBetty – Mary Jo DeschanelHarold – Scott WilsonRebecca – Aimee GrahamTom – Wade Andrew WilliamsCamera (color, HD video), Irek Hartowilcz; editor, Jim Makiej; music, Eric Colvin; production designer, Kaija Vogel; art director, Michelle J. Goode; set decorator, Kristin Myrdahl; sound mixer, Itamar Ben Jacob; assistant director, Tim Brown; casting, Nicole Arbusto, Joy Dickson. Reviewed at Sundance Film Festival (competing), Jan. 11, 2002.
There are only a couple of man-made traditions I kinda sorta have bought into. Thanksgiving Day at the movies is one of them. There were only two I was particularly interested in seeing: For Colored Girls, (although this felt perfunctory), and Burlesque. Why..? Cher.
I just enjoy her. Fur me, she’s right up there with Entertainers like Alex Baldwin, Kevin Spacey, Liza Minnelli, George Takai, Jake Gyllenhaal, Cedric The Entertainer, Jason Sedakis, William Shatner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mario Cantone, Don Rickles, Yoko Ono, Larry King, Betty White, Debra Winger, Elton John… People and performers I just like.
When she and then husband, the late Sonny Bono hosted The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour, I just thought she was so smokey and dark, and aloof and beautiful. I loved her ethnic nose, her thin lips, her thin, tall frame, her crooked teeth. That’s what made her look unique and appealing to me. So you could imagine my disappointment when it became apparent she, like Michael Jackson, who also had a problem with his appearance, did not have the same appreciation of her beauty I did and took steps over time to change the signature features that made Cher quintessentially– Cher!
So, I go see Burlesque. And Cher. Looks. AWFUL! Her mouth! Those teeth! The lips! That jawline! The eyebrows, and granite forehead frozen in that perpetually perplexed, bizarrely quizzical, permanently bewildered expression! Cher’s cosmetic surgeries were soooooo– distracting!
Then there was that song she sang that seemed gratuitously inserted to give her sing/face time. It had nothing to do with the story and did nothing to advance the narrative at all. And the key/pitch–! Is this going to be some new call whistle for dogs because People can hear it, too!
The extreme close ups of Christina Aguilera as small-town girl Ali and the insufferable Cam Gigandet as, you guessed it, Jack (because there must be some unwritten rule among screenwriters in Hollywood that says every male heart-throb in a film must be named ‘Jack’. And is he the male equivalent of Renee Zellweger as well, btw, or are they just twins separated by talent?)!
And what even was the purpose of Juliana Hough in this film anyway?
Gay men everywhere should feel outraged and appalled by the scene involving Stanley Tucci’s character, Sean, and Mark, played by David Walton. Ugh! And Umma a bulldog! I felt embarrassed for the actors, the characters and the depiction of gay male behavior. There is still no cure for Aids in 2010, People! Can you say ‘irresponsible’ as well as not remotely cute, funny or mildly amusing, even?
Another attempt at hip diversity, perhaps, is to mention the name CoCo, played by Chelsea Traille, only like a ka–jillion times when she actually delivers maybe three lines in the entire film, including being attracted to the gayest blade in the room to boot! Or should I say ‘ta boo-teh’?
No black woman worth her pepper would be caught dead with her gaydar down! And would a bulbous and bootylicious bod like that be a professional performer in anything other than some tacky Triple X club– or in Jet magazine? Ree-dic-cluless!
Still, this glaring faux pas did not come close to rising to the Gag-me-with-a-Spoon-why-don’t’cha pulleeze REE-Dic-Clueless level on the Really ridicules, White-People-Don’t-Know-Jack-About-Black People portrayal meter, registered in 1993 when Steven Spielberg cast young Vanessa Lee Chester as the ostensibly bi-racial offspring of Jeff Goldblum’s Dr. Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park.
Fur me, Burlesque was, put simply, a disappointment. Terrible cinematography– characters shot out of focus. Dreadful editing– there was even an enormous, nasty hit right across Cher’s chest in one frame! This is a big budget studio film? Featuring an Oscar winning actor? Any wannabee filmmaker with a Macbook Pro and iMovie could have made a more visually appealing film mounted on Youtube in half the time and for a fraction of the cost!
An insipid, sorta Babes In Arms-like story so hokey even Judy Garland (from the grave ) and Mickey Rooney (foot on a banana peel) might be compelled to grab a spoon to gag on! Or a peacock feather! Thanks, Kirstie Alley!
So to recap– Burlesque. Thin, tired, retread of a Babes In Arms-like genre film. Terrible cinematography. Uninteresting choreography. In fact, you couldn’t very well appreciate it even if it were well done because of the extreme, redundant use of the extreme close up. I may as well have stayed home and watched an episode of One Life To Live!
Nauseatingly bad, self-absorbed, performances by Christina Aguilera and the ever-squinting Cam Gigandet (and just when did that become attractive?), with Cher looking like a flesh-and-bones cartoon Skeletor. All dressed in black. Black. Black. Ugh!
Costumes were nice, though, from the looks of things, Cher apparently provided her own– from her closet.
Run– (don’t walk–) away quick, fast and in a hurry from the theater. Wait a few seconds. It will be available soon enough on a premium cable channel on a HDTV near you.
I was ready to have myself a gay old time up in here with Cher. Instead I just had a time.
#bullDogNATION!
Disclaimer: No peacock feathers were literally gagged on during the writing of this post.
Coprophagia (cop·ro·pha·gi·a), from the Greek κόπρος copros (“feces”) and φαγεῖν phagein (“to eat”) means, you guessed it–, eating feces– poo, poop, anal excrement, crap; whatever you’re pejoratively calling it. Coprophagy refers to many kinds of feces eating behavior including eating feces of another species (heterospecifics), eating other People’s feces (allocoprophagy), or your own (autocoprophagy).
Ew!
Fur now, we are restricting this discussion on the subject to dogs.
Many animals your People think are so cute and adorable are regular potty mouths. For example, Koala mothers serve it up to their young right from the hinny hole because it contains bacteria and enzymes the little joey needs to be able to digest indigestible eucalyptus leaves, which is all koalas eat.
Elephants, pandas, and hippos have potty mouths as well. That’s how they obtain the bacteria required to properly digest vegetation. When they are born, their intestines do not contain these bacteria (they are completely sterile). Without them, they would be unable to get any nutritional value from the vegetation they eat. That means these animals would quite literally starve to death even though they’re eating mass quantities every day if they did not eat their parents poo.
Capybara, rabbits, hamsters do not have complex ruminant digestive systems, so they need to chew their poo in order to extract more nutrition from the grass they eat.
Gorillas, chimpanzees, hamsters, guinea pigs, chinchillas, apes, monkeys, cats, even the naked mole rat— regular potty mouths, all!
Ew!
¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨
♫I eat my poo and I like it
It smells and tastes like dinner
I eat my poo and I like it
Keeps me lookin’ svelte and thinner
Last week a furriend on Twitter bravely announced he ate his poo. This got me to thinkin’: Why do dogs eat their poo and is this a good thing to do?
Hey! I busted a rhyme!
I Goggled the subject and found out dogs eating poo is not uncommon. However, there is not a lot of recent research on the subject, and no one in the veterinarian or animal health care communities can definitively tell us why dogs do this behavior. All they do know is:
People don’t like when dogs eat poo! They think it’s disgusting, embarrassing and unclean.
Why do some of you eat poo and others eschew? (I am on a roll, here!)
Well, it could be:
Canine Behavioral Problem or
Underlying Medical Problem or
A Combination of Both
Make sure you’re up to date with all your vaccinations and de-worming treatments. The reason for this is that various diseases and internal parasites can be passed from dog to dog through coprophagia. GET THEE TO THE VET! Your vet will perform an examination and may pinpoint the problem for you immediately.
Some theories around why you eat poo:
You think it tastes good (ew!).
The behavior could be a symptom of anxiety, stress or boredom.
You may have a vitamin or mineral deficiency.
If you were punished as a puppy for eliminating (pooping) inside the house you could now have a tiny neurosis, eating your poop to “hide the evidence.” Behaviorists call this a “mistaken belief.” You believe you were punished for pooping rather than for pooping in the wrong place.
You’re cleaning up your living area. This of course is your People’s job.
Are you copying the behavior of another dog? There is a theory you eat your poop because you’ve seen your People cleaning it up. Your poop is getting the attention you want! You’re eliminating (pardon the pun) the competition.
Could be you’re over fed. If you’re over-fed you’re not properly digesting your food, therefore your poo still smells and tastes like dinner!
If you only fed once a day, you may become very hungry and scavenge around for food (including poo).
Some dogs have been known to develop coprophagia when put on certain medications or antibiotics.
A recent change to a diet high in fat.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it…
Some Tips Fur People On How To Fade or Extinguish Poo Eating Behavior
ew!
These potentially helpful tips are offered to the NATION as one remedy for fading and extinguishing coprophagia behavior. They are not to be construed as an endorsement of one particular school of thought or method of training over another. We suggest you try one of the methods below or a combination of them until the behavior fades or is extinguished altogether.
Feed well balanced and nutritious meals.
Try feeding twice a day at regular times rather than only once.
Always keep your dog’s living area, crates and yard clean of feces.
Be sure to adequately exercise and stimulate your dog – intellectually and physically. Take frequent, brisk walks.
Teach your dog the basic obedience command “leave it.” If you have established yourself as a consistent pack leader, this command should produce an immediate result.
Always reward desired behavior. It doesn’t necessarily have to be food! Lots of Praise works fur me!
As soon as you see your dog posturing for the poop, leash him up! When he’s finished, walk him away from the poop and use the “sit” and “watch me” commands. Praise him lavishly when he obeys.
Visit your local pet store. You will find various products specifically designed to attack this problem. Your vet may also provide a recommendation.
In some cases fitting your dog with a muzzle may help when your dog is off leash, like at the beach or dog park.
Use the power of “negative association” with a short sharp tug on the leash. This correction will quickly teach your dog that eating poop is not a pleasant experience.
A Final Thought — You must be consistent! Give consistent attention to this matter and you should realize an appreciable result in as little as two weeks.
I was never a poo eater so I don’t speak from experience but I can speak with authority about at least One thing: Being consistent works!
You may ask yourself Where does that highway lead to? You may ask yourself Am I right?… Am I wrong? You may say to yourself My God!… what have I done?— Talking Heads | 1988
Friday I went to the vet and I met this guy, Ati Fuiava. He was there with his American bully, One Drop. Ati and One Drop were soon joined by his business associate at Gottiline or G-Line Bullys, James Soto, and his bitch, Brown Sugar. They were meeting up at the vet for a bit of human assisted afternoon delight. Wham bam, whaddup, Doc? BOL!
One Drop appeared ready and eager to rise to the challenge and Brown Sugar was in no way coquettishly withholding any of her dividends. And let the breeding begin! File this under “why” as in”You learn something new every day,” and Cc under “T” for “There’s something fur everybully.”
It takes, Diff’rent Strokes. It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world. Everybody’s got a special kind of story Everybody finds a way to shine Different strokes fur different folksand so on and so on and scooby dooby dooo be
Hmmm…
So what’s an American bully other than a stout, stocky, muscular mixed breed, all buffed up, lookin’ like all roid, only without the rage?
Since 2004, the American Bully Kennel Club or ABKC, a self described “elite registry” has tirelessly promoted the American Bully as a new breed created by pairing the American Pit Bull Terrier with an American Staffordshire Terrier.
The United Canine Association recognized and began recording registration for the American Bully in 2009.
The American bully is to urban, hip-hop culture what the pure breed is to the entrenched mainstream. One would be hard pressed to find a “Guinness” or “Stella” monikered canine among them and the names of the “breeders” and kennels are even more colorful and colloquial.
The websites are glossy and busy, and often feature explicit language rap tunes with a leaden bio delivery together with an even more leaden narrative about the first dog. There’s a similar look to all the sites. They look and perform a lot like Jay Z‘s or Questlove‘s (both utterly fantastic) websites (especially if you fancy rap). Not at all quiet and artsy (or disquietingly similar) like Sean Lennon‘s or Moby‘s.
Hip-hop and rap have literally gone to the dogs. Snoop was there first, though.
What’s the origin of the American Bully? Ostensibly, the American Bully goes back to pre-Colonial days in England. The dog was known as the bulldog and was a versatile work dog, rounding up cattle, chasing hogs and protecting property and families. The dog was used in bear baiting until the practice was banned in England in 1835, and subsequently vanished into obscurity.
Settlers in America brought the dog from England. John D. Johnson is credited with developing the bully which is more athletic and muscular, and led to what later evolved into the American Bully.
The American Bully. It it really a breed? Is it a hybrid? Is it a purebred? What do these terms even mean?
The word ‘Hybrid’, when specifically with reference to genetics, means the offspring of genetically dissimilar parents or stock. A hybrid is a mix of more than one purebred dog.
Designer dogs are almost always crossbreds between two purebred or first-generation crosses that do not have fixed characteristics, only convoluted, designer names such as the Puggle (Beagle/Pug), the Shih-Poo (Shih Tzu/Poodle), the Goldendoodle (Golden Retriever/Poodle), the Cavachon (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel /Bichon Frise) and many others that pop up in newspaper advertisements, on websites, in pet stores or on Facebook and Twitter.
A breed is a line of descendants perpetuating particular hereditary qualities— as defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, and must be carefully developed over at least seven generations to fix the desired characteristics. People initially developed breeds with the goal of refining dogs for particular purposes. For example, British sheep farmers along the England-Scotland border developed Border Collies to gather the flocks from the hills and move them from one field to another.
Hunters developed upland game dogs and waterfowl dogs to hunt birds, terriers to hunt pests, and hounds to chase rabbits, hares, and gazelles, warriors traveled with large guard dogs, and noblemen used fierce dogs to protect palaces and property and People who lived in cold, harsh climates developed breeds with weather-resistant coats; those who lived in deserts developed dogs that could withstand the heat of day and the cold of night; and those who lived by the sea developed dogs that could swim in cold water without ill effects.
Although many – if not most – of these breeds no longer work at their original jobs, they maintain many – if not all – of the skills necessary to do those jobs. This combination of physical attributes and mental abilities makes them predictable as pets and adaptable to other purposes.
Prospective puppy buyers can select a breed based on the attributes that equipped the dog to do its original job. For example, Labrador Retrievers, the top dog in AKC registrations, are in high demand as pets for active families because they are gentle, playful into adulthood, active, and relatively easy to train. Border Collies, on the other hand, usually make poor family pets because they are workaholics; if they don’t have enough to do, they may herd the kids or destroy the house.
The establishment of breed insures unscrupulous and careless breeders do not pass off a crossbred hybrid as a purebred and risk irreparably contaminating the gene pool with deceptive practices like deliberately failing to correctly identify crossbreed or hybrid, or passing off dogs with no established pedigree at all to prospective, unsuspecting buyers.
What’s the American bully bred for? Mostly show.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the anipal world, there are the purebreeds. Purebreeds are cultivated varieties of an animal species, achieved through the process of selective breeding. When the lineage (or family line of decendants) of a purebred animal is recorded, that animal is then said to be pedigreed.
And this brings us back to our original question: Is the American bully a breed, a hybrid, or a pure breed?
Well since the American bully was created by pairing the American Pit Bull Terrier and American Staffordshire Terrier, the American bully is not a hybrid, but it is not a breed, either. It is a breed type unrecognized by the American Kennel Club. A bulldog type breed, if you will.
The startlingly massive bulk, the exaggeration of the dog’s physical form and the trend toward breeding the dog larger and heavier is concerning to dog fanciers and animal lovers alike.
Responsible breeders are concerned both fur the dogs appearance and temperament but their health as well.
When I was young and foolish, I did a lot of things She probably felt really annoyed about. I pooped on the berber in Her bedroom. She cleaned up the mess. I’m sure that wasn’t pleasant, but She forgave me. I actually raised my leg and peed on one of Her favorite sandals. She whined about that for awhile but She forgave me. Ooo! Once I chewed off one of the leather straps on Her Louis Vuitton bag.
No matter what I did, or how many times I did it, She never stayed mad (She calls stayin’ mad “keepin’ account of the injury”) and She always, always, ALWAYS forgave me. 100% of all the time– Always. She forgave me.
“If your brother commits a sin give him a rebuke, and if he repents forgive him. Even if he sins seven times a day against you and he comes back to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Luke 17:3
Most times I don’t even have to ask. She smiles and grabs and pulls up the loose skin around my face and kisses me full on my luscious, pouty lips. I may get a correction but after that it’s over. She never holds it against me or tells three friends, or throws it back up in my face in a fit of rage or saves it fur later.
Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up.., does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” I Corinthians 13:4-8
Sighhhhhh. I lub Her.
You think she likes it when she has to clean up the chunks I hurl ’cause I don’t have a caste iron stomach, or when I take my sweet time coming when she calls?
Love is long suffering. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Which brings us to Michael Vick.
“The idea that Michael Vick might be chosen as MVP makes me want to throw up.”–@WillMyDogHateMe
Michael Vick. A poor, country boy from Newport News, Virginia. Poor young, country, black men from Newport News, Virginia who attend college on football scholarships tend not to be the brightest bulbs lighting up the marquee, nor are they the most articulate. You can take Michael Vick out of the country but you can’t take the country out of Michael Vick.
He dropped out of college to pursue a lucrative career with the NFL. Michael Vick is no Dick Cavett. That infamous 60 Minutes interview with ESPN commentator James Brown proved that and it was excruciatingly difficult to watch. Ugh!
In an attempt to provide much needed perspective, Michael Vick did not murder his pregnant girlfriend, cheat on his wife umpteen times, commit an act of terrorism or smuggle illegal drugs in or out of the country. No. What he did do was own and operate Bad Newz Kennels on his property where he oversaw and participated in the abuse and slaughter of pitbulls bred specificially for fighting.
Michael was implicated in everything from betting on matches to approving the disposal of dogs that lost. He was caught, exposed, tried, convicted and sentenced to 23 months in federal prison. He was released after serving 19 months.
Michael Vick has served his time according to the law. He’s been publically contrite. He’s pledged to work with animal rights groups and to be a spokesperson for how wrong dog fighting is and how abusing animals is wrong. He’s apologized and he’s asked for the public’s forgiveness.
“If your brother commits a sin give him a rebuke, and if he repents forgive him. Even if he sins seven times a day against you and he comes back to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
All this hate and vitriol directed toward Michael Vick. All you’re really doing is using animals and this Michael Vick situation as an excuse to keep account of the injury and foment angry passions; hiding under cover of loving animals– wolves in sheeps’ clothing, keeping your own hate and anger agenda alive.
Dogs don’t do that. And the People who love us don’t act that way towards us or even other People at all. When we make a mess, our People clean it up and we all move on. Michael Vick made a mess and he’s cleaned it up in accord with the law. There is no evidence he’s returned to the practice of dog fighting, either. Yes, what he did was bad, but we dogs are always on the side of reason and balance. We wonder why you keep harping on it? What are you really angry about? Really?
Being a football player in the NFL may not be his right but it is what he does for a living. What’s he gonna do..? Pilot an airplane? Work the deli at Whole Foods? It’s more than a right or a privilege to work. It’s a responsibility! Everybody has to work! There can be no “pursuit of happiness” which, by the way, is a Right– a right guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States– unless you are able to earn an income.
We all accept the familiar paradigm: Get a job, save money, feel secure, take a wife, raise a family… die. Ding! Ding! Ding Ding! Ding..! Congratulations! You have successfully fulfilled our cultural and societal imperative: Get a life!
I’m a bulldog. And I speak fur all dog breeds every where when I tell you– FACT: There are no dogs ANYWHERE hatin’ on Michael Vick. We have all moved on– toward the dinner bowl. The surviving Bad Newz dogs have, and so should you!
C’mon, people now. Stop wastin’ that energy hatin’ Michael Vick. You need all that energy and more working to keep us living in the manner to which we have become accustomed with pet food, and vet visits, and Christmas and Halloween outfits, and obedience school training, and leashes and collars and dog bowls and water dispensers and dog beds and…
C’mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev’rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
A few days ago, a concerned bully brought this observation to the NATION:
How about a bully who licks too much? Bubs licks her paws constantly.
Ahh, foot lickin’. I do it. You do it. We all do it. Foot lickin’. I used to do it so much, I wrote a song about it. Like’ta hear it? Here it go:
I’m— a— Bulldog with a first name it’s T * H * A * T –That!I’m a bulldog with a second name it’s One – O * N * E — One!Oh.., I like to eat and sleep and Tweet
When I’m not lickin’ my two feet—
And there you have it. Plain to seeI’m T * H * A * T *O * N * E
Foot licking looks pawsitively awful to People, especially People who don’t know us very well and the People we live with. It sounds pretty nasty, too. People wonder why we do it. What are we doing? Is there something wrong with us or worse, is it harmful?
Yes. And yes!
Foot licking is a sign. It’s your body tryin’ ta tell you somethin’ and you need to pay attention! It’s a symptom. And its a symptom that may take you in many directions. But first, let me share a little of my story.
Hi. I’m ThatOne, and I’m a foot licker.
Hi, That.
I was an obsessive, noisy, sloppy foot licker, presenting with throaty umphings, wet, slobbery sounding slurping, fly biting behavior and tongue flicking, and then almost manic, obsessive attention to my feet.
I could go on maniacally licking my feet for hours if She’d ever let me. Which She NEVER did! She knew right away when I started presenting these behaviors something serious was going on up in here but She didn’t panic and She didn’t go running off to the vet. She always does a few things first:
The benign wait-and-see
Internet/Research
Common sense at home or OTC remedy
Vet.
At first, She decided I was not intellectually stimulated enough. So whenever I started with the foot licking, She would leash me up and we’d go out fur a vigorous walk. She’d also let me wander about and sniff fur as long as I wanted. When I came back in, I never returned to the behavior. The Problem: Foot licking is a symptom of boredom. The Solution: Go fur a walk when you start with the behavior. Get some exercise.
You may have an allergy. It could be a food allergy. You may need to change the brand of food you’re eating or eliminate that favorite dried chicken jerky treat. Or you may have an environmental allergy– plant mites, or pollen or mold.
You may have yeast in your ears. I recommend the 50/50 vinegar and water solution to flush the ears. Foot licking is not to be ignored. Something is at the root of your excessive foot licking.
If you are not biting yourself or your saliva output is not so excessive so as to stain your fur or you have not licked a bald spot or made your skin raw— (you see where I’m goin’ with this?), I highly recommend you get in the habit of maybe once a week standing in a tub of warm water with Epsom salt. Make sure the crystals are thoroughly dissolved. And try not to drink the water.
She uses Epsom salt in my bath water. She will usually fill the tub to a level where the water completely covers my feet with hot water, pour the Epsom salt in, stir, and then allow the water to cool to tepid. Tepid means warm, not cool or cold. There needs to be heat! Then I stand in the water anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes depending upon whether I’m taking a full bath or not.
I’m a working TripleA Therapy dog. I work four days a week, so I have to bathe every week. The #bullDogNATION! is not recommending or endorsing weekly bathing, just a weekly foot soak with the salts.
If there is itching and scratching and foot licking, do a full body salts soak. You should realize some diminution of the foot licking behavior, and the obsessive component of it should fade completely. Epsom salts makes you smell nice, too. I especially lub the lavender scented Epsom salts. Great fur me. Aroma therapy fur Her.
It’s my responsibility to advise: GET THEE TO YOUR VET! You may have a skin allergy, atopic dermatitis, flea allergy, food allergy, inhalant allergy, contact allergy, or bacterial allergy. I’m especially sensitive to mold, jade ground cover, ant venom, and I may never suddenly change my diet or introduce a new and novel food to my diet otherwise it’s back to the noisy, slurping, obsessive, fly biting, foot licking fur me.
If you are biting, chewing, scraping, knawing on yourself; if your skin is red, scaly and raw or your saliva output is so excessive as to stain your fur or you have licked and chewed a bald spot or have hurt yourself, this is serious and you need immediate medical intervention. GET THEE TO YOUR VETERINARIAN! Immediately! if not sooner!
OK, NATION, to recap, foot licking is a sign you may have an allergy or yeast in the ears.
Try the Epsom salts bath and soak, flush the ears with the 50/50 vinegar and water solution, (common sense home remedies), do the benign wait-and-see. If there is no change to the behavior, GET THEE TO YOUR VETERINARIAN!
Not much difference, but still no bleeding or any other kind of urinary tract inconvenience and the bone is not protruding. I see my vet next week. Stay tuned.
“And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…”
I don’t have a dense coat. Many of you already know that. You can see through my coat to my spotted skin. And I was shedding. A lot! Why? Allergies.
This past spring here in SoCal was like no other for us dogs. Allergies hit us all pretty hard down here.You already know about my allergic reaction to succulent jade. When I used to get into this, which is commonly used as ground cover in these parts, I’d get interdigital cysts.
In April, I had a particularly hard time with biting red ants. Turns out, I’m allergic to ant venom.
I’m three years old and in July, I got my first hot spot. Ever! On my face! My allergies affect my skin. Vets call it atopic dermatitis. I get itchy behind my ears. And I get a recurring rash around my pie hole and I start to scoot. I get my anus expressed, but that didn’t stop the scooting. My Riverside vet prescribed Gentocin and She’d sprayed it on as if my life depended on it. It seemed to help some, only the redness and irritation would keep comin’ back once I stopped gettin’ sprayed.
How fortuitous there happened to be an animal hospital only a mile away from TERI Inc., The Learning Academy where I work as the designated Triple A Reader dog through my foundation, ThatOneWORD.
We did not expect the level of care and attention we received there and what so far (paws crossed) appears to be a real solution to an ongoing and recurring problem.
The DVM takin’ care’a me is Dr. Sweitzer. He is very thorough. When you Google the word “thorough,” Dr. Sweitzer’s image must surly loom forward. His consultations are lengthy and chock full of information and options.
I first visited Mission Animal and Bird Hospital because I had a big red something on my man member. Dr. Sweitzer consulted with a colleague and came back with the diagnosis: A Prolapsed Urethra.
He discussed with Her several approaches. Surgery, naturally, was one. I already have had two surgeries: for my corneal ulcer and TPLO surgery, both in 2009 so needless to say, She wasn’t too keen on that option.
So he prescribed Panolog Cream, Nystatin-Neomycin Sulfate-Thisostrepton-Triamcinolone Acetonide, (whah–whaah) and we settled on the benign wait-and-see approach. I’m not uncomfortable, I’m not inconvenienced, the red bulb on my “man member” appears to have shrunk some, so the waiting and seeing continues. MANLUB!
Dr. Sweitzer suggested my recurring butt rash may be helped surgically– with something like a bully butt lift, to remove or tighten the deep skin folds under my tight tail. She dismissed that suggestion out of hand. Next!
Then he determined my butt scooting, hot spots, pink skin and minute scaliness may be allergic dermatitis. She did not want to go through months of food trials to determine what protein I may or may not be allergic to. I work. We are just too busy fur all that. So he prescribed Atopica.
I’ve been taking Atopica now since 8/14 and so far so good. No more scooting. No more hot spot. No foot licking and gummy yeast under my nose fold. And the best part: No food trials. And I only have to take it once a day! Thanks, Dr. Sweitzer! Thanks Mission Animal and Bird. In Oceanside, CA.
Atopica is expensive, so shop fur it online and compare prices. If you are having similar experiences, then I hope you get something useful from hearing about mine.
Healthy road again
I may be on the Healthy road again
My butt’s not itchy and my skin’s not pink or red
I may be back on a healthy road again
“And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…”
♫Here energy’s at fever pitch
We’re chasin’ balls or maybe diggin’ a ditch
There ain’t no tellin’ who ya might meet…
Might be Daisy, Apollo maybe even a
That and This
Off leash at the dog park
Off leash at the dog park yeah!
Come on and sing it wit me: dog park.
Sing it with the feelin’ y’all: Dog park yeah!
Come summer the heat wears kinda hard
This ain’t no place to be if ya can’t hang in the yard
Let me tell you it’s always cool
When the folks don’t mind sometimes if ya pant and drool.
Off leash at the dog park
Off leash at the dog park yeah!
Come on and sing it wit me: dog park.
Sing it with the feelin’ y’all: Dog park yeah!
(Work the dirt) Well those dogs never seem to stop poopin’.
(Work the dirt) Grab your bag and proceed to scoopin’
(Work the dirt) Time to reap what ye hath sown
(Work) The poop you must scoop this time is your own
Hey! Support the dog park today.
It’s great when we’re neutered and spayed.
It’s where you’ll hear people say:
“Pick it up! That’a way! ” at the…
Dog park!
Off leash at the dog park
Dog park yeah!
Come on an’ sing it wit me: Dog park
Sing it wit feelin’, y’all: Dog park, Yeah!
Those dogs never seem to stop dropin’, Well I say
Keep close bags curly poo’s ploppin’
Let me tell you it’s always cool
And the folks don’t mind sometimes if ya pant and drool
Off leash at the dog park.
Off leash at the dog park
The Dog Park yeah!
Come on and sing it wit me: Dog Park!
Sing it with the feelin’ y’all: Dog Park yeah!
“And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…”
Good afternoon. Welcome to The Sunday BULLY Pulpit at #bullDogNATION where each week we gather together fur the Gossip According to…
This week’s sermon is: Goodness Gracious *That’s* a Bulldog! NATION, we scoured the Tworld to bring you interesting bully faces and Twitterduce you to the People who love and care fur those faces.
Steppin’ up with a testimony this week:
@poluxbulldog– Heaven help us, Poluxbulldog is just this side’a CUTE!
@boris_ublog– With a tongue this long and wide, #Boris is maybe not the best guardian of secrets but he sure is an indefatigable guardian of the STUDLEY!
@Niki146– Beautibull #Ace bulldog Is certainly not a fan’a sloth. She’s just more ‘conserving’ of the CUTE.
@paulallenriggs– #Daisy honors her mother with a face only a mother (and the whole of #bullDogNATION) could love. And we do!
@Polly_Pirate– There’s no need to fear, sweet #Polly purebred is here!
@LexMoneys– #Stella, with a pair of eyes this beautibull, those seven deadly don’t stand a chance in bully heaven.
Bet’chu can’t wait to see who testifys at the Sunday BULLY Pulpit next week. Maybe you? See you then!
“And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…”
A #bullDogNATION Photo Gallery
BARBIE: Not Quite So Math Challenged Anymore
Julia was a 1960’s TV drama starring Diahann Carroll. Ms Carroll was the first Black actress to star in a weekly television drama.
Her character, the title character, Julia, broke barriers on several different levels. Julia was college educated, a working, professional nurse, and a financially independent, single mother.
Julia was a groundbreaking television series and a role model for young girls, especially black girls, in the late sixties and early seventies.
I was more of a GI Joe sorta guy myself, truth be told.
At last! A doll a young girl could really look up to.
“And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…”
Workin’ for a livin’ (workin’) Workin’ for a livin’ (workin’) Workin’ for a livin’, livin’ and workin’ I’m taking what they givin ’cause I’m workin’ for a livin’.
Today is Take Your Dog To Work Day. The day gave me pause to reflect on the people I meet and talk to on a daily basis. These people who stop dead in their tracks and take the time to stand and talk to and touch me. I realized I’m in a unique position ’cause the world is my office and I’m workin’ every day. Here. Let me show you. The theme for this, the second #bullDogNATION photo gallery is: Take Your Dog To Workday In Your Neighborhood. Be sure to scroll over each photograph for additional content. Enjoy!
“And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…”
The idea to set aside One day each year to cast a pawsitive light on the human-canine bond came about in 1999 as the brainchild of Pet Sitters International (PSI).
Now I don’t know about you, but to paraphrase Underdog:
“There’s no need to fear– Theme fur a #bDN Photo Gallery is here!” So…
✔If you went to work outside the home with a Person today…
✔If you worked in a home office with a Person today…
✔If you’re your own working dog, Animal Assisted Activity/Therapy or certified Therapy…
✔If you did That thing you do every day– Being THERE…
Then #bullDogNATION, we want a pix of you doin’ That! And That’s an order! It’s easy:
A. Simply tell me to go ahead and pick One from your Twicpic or Yfrog or
B. E-mail your photo or attach it to a tweet. Or you can watch him spin around and hope he licks your feet.
*Ooo! A brief Dr. Seuess stream-of-consciousness moment. Or something.*
NATION. You have your marching orders! The first annual #bullDogNATION TYDTWD Photo Gallery submissions will commence streaming in in 5-4-3-2-….
PSI has compiled a bit of useful advance preparation advice for bringing your dog to work:
1. Do an office check – ask if any co-workers are afraid, allergic or opposed to you bringing your dog into work.
2. Puppy-Proof the work space – hide electrical cords and wires and keep potential toxic items like certain plants, markers, white out, etc. out of your dog’s reach.
3. Bathe and groom you dog before her office debut – that familiar Eau De Doggie scent may be comfortable to you but a co-worker may not be so impressed.
4. Bring a pet-specific doggie bag – include treats, toys, water bowl, leash, poop scoop bags and disinfectant (just in case).
5. Plan feeding and outside time appropriately – to avoid accidents of nature inside the office.
6. Don’t force you dog on co-workers – if someone is dog friendly they will come to you.
7. Have an exit strategy – just in case your pooch is not the workaholic you are and does not do well in unfamiliar situations, have a way to return Fido home earlier than the end of business day.
Remember, NATION, NEVER leave your pet alone in a vehicle no matter how short the time. As an aside, it’s illegal to leave your pet alone in a parked car in an open, uncovered parking area or lot.
Be as vigilant with your pet at work as you would be with him at the dog park. With that said TYDTW today. Enjoy! And have a GREAT day!
“And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…”
A #bullDogNATION Anipal Hashtag Special Interest Event
Congratulations to Mr & Mrs BaronVonOdem #brngwed @BaronVonOdem @Flacatlady – may your marriage last forever – this time. May 31, 2010
Good afternoon. I’m ThatOne. And this is #bullDogNATION Radio, broadcasting live from South Beach Florida!
(cue opening music)
♫Love is always lovelier the second time around.
Just as wonderful with both feet on the ground.
It’s that second time you hear your love song sung.
Makes you think, perhaps, that love, like youth,
is wasted on the young.
This hastily arranged reception is quickly turning out to be the social Event of the Memorial Day weekend. There are all kinds of puppurratzi camped outside, helicopters flying overhead– it’s pure pandemonium and yet my guests look relaxed, calm and non-plussed in the midst of all That’s going on around them.
ThatOne here on the beach in South Beach Florida reporting live fur #bullDogNATION Radio with my special guests, the radiantly happy couple.
NATION, pleases allow me to Twitterduce @Flacatlady, Queen and Founder of NE Florida Cuddlepile, co-creator of #nipclub and self-described animal defender and supporter, and @barovonodem, South Beach entrepreneur, now reformed bon vie vant.
#bDN: Hi Baron. Hi Flacatlady. First of all, let me congratulate the both of you once again on your surprise nuptials and fur this fantastic reception event. Everything looks just beautibull! It’s hard to believe your event planner managed to successfully pull all this off after only just a few frenzied hours of planning…
FCL: I am just stunned by how fast word got out, and how everything came together, I mean look at this! (pointing at the helicopters in the sky directly overhead) That’s the last time I tell Rosie O’Donnell anything on the QT!
(Soundbite of laughter)
FCL: We have truly unscripted chaos but such is life with the most popular, the most handsome chocolate lab on Twitterplanet and maybe even in all of South Beach.
#bDN: Now you were married to each other before so this is like a Robert Wagner and Natalie Wood sort of thing happening here? Or Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith?
#bDN: Don and Melanie had an age difference and fur sure some major fidelity issues, so I can see how Baron would identify with them. So…, so give us just a little of the background on that.
FCL: Well, we both had issues with the department of self-control. I mean, we were both chasing and being chased by other anipals. I went to Bristol, CT to visit one and Baron went to California. We ran into each other in the Miami airport and quickly realized we had not been ourselves since we split. We couldn’t get the notary on the beach to marry us quick enough! We are just meant for each other.
#bDN: And Baron’s other wives…?
FCL: Baron has other wives and pittens, that’s true… and scanky cat hookers… but I love him. I will just have to learn to live with it. People cheat. Look at John Edwards. At least this way I know what’s going on. No cat-tastrophes.
(Soundbite of laughter)
#bDN: That’s a very healthy and sensible cattytude to have…
FCL: It’s all good. There’s plenty enough chocolate in that lab to share. I say, ‘Jealousy doesn’t kill relationships. People who are jealous do.’ People have more of a problem with polygamy than anipals do. People have a lot of problems with a lot of things.
BVO: Well… we were both cheaters, but let the record show she left me first BOL. Like she just said, People have thresholds. She always knew about my dalliances but she also knows none of those scanks I was dealin’ with could hold a bag of catnip next to her.
♫Love’s more comfortable the second time you fall.
Like a friendly home, the second time you call.
#bDN: So it’s fidelity road for the two of you from here on out?
BVO: We’re soulmates. We were meant for each other. We just had to realize That once and fur all! Iwas miserable without her. Life was just… There was a hole in my heart where my cat lady should have been.
(Soundbite of laughter)
BVO: Plus with the whole hooker thing– I mean come on, we totally have the zip code rule in this relationship…
#bDN: The zip code rule…?
BVO: It’s not cheating if you’re in different zip codes!
#bDN: uh huh. How’s That workin’ for ya?
(Soundbite of laughter)
#bDN: Was there any One thing in particular that made you come to your senses or did you regret the separation almost from the start?
BVO: Reality slapped me in the face. Harsh reality removed the blindfold of ignorance from around my eyes. Real life opened them up, shinning a stark light on the mistakes I had made. My life was upside down. I was shattered.
♫Shattered, shattered
Love and hope and sex and dreams
Are still surviving on the street Look at me! I’m in tatters!
I’m shattered
BVO: I had left all the good in my life to chase after the bad. Lucky fur me, I was welcomed back with open arms and she forgave me. Now I only have eyes for my beautiful wifey.
#bDN: How was the wedding announced? I mean, how long did it take you to plan or was it all impromptu?
FCL: We decided about 9am this morning and married on the beach this afternoon. I called up a few of my closest furriends about a small reception. And of course, Rosie.
#bDN: The same day you ran into each other at the airport?
FCL: Why put off for tomorrow what you can put together quickly today.
(Soundbite of laughter)
FCL: @HollieCatRocks married us and took care of some of the details. Baron called in a few favors. All I had to do was throw a dress on! It’s good to have friends. They are so good to us!
BVO: It was spontaneous. It was impromtu. It was spur-of-the-moment. It was all those things! It’s a metaphor fur how we’re gonna live our lives together. We’re gonna live for the moment, not thinking ahead and not looking back.
#bDN: I’ll bet everyone who’s listening wishes they could do That. Take us back to the beginning, the *very* beginning before even the first marriage. How did you two crazy kids meet?
BVO: We were both high at a nip pawty. I think she did a pole dance or something, whereupon I immediately purr-posed. It was love at first pole dance. BOL!
(Soundbite of laughter)
#bDN: Was there ever any pressure from any who had a problem with the fact that you’re a dog and she’s a… Person? Have you experienced any interspecies prejudice?
FCL: No, but then again we are polygamists so we are used to folks judging. Do not judge lest you be judged, right?
#bDN:Would it were That simple, especially fur all the knee-jerk judgementalists out there. Any plans to grow the family and if so, will the predominate sensibility be a cat sensibility, a dog sensibility or a People sensitivity?
FCL: Interesting question, That. It’s a living, breathing sensitivity. We love every living thing and every living body so our sensibilities are neither divided or conflicted. As for growing the family, eight is enough! I have 8 furbabies. Baron has children with other anipals, for instance pittens with @medusaJ, but there’s not a lot of family blending, at least not right now.
BVO: Umm… And I have no man juice. I’m man juiceless. Due to a medical intervention, I have recently become separated from my man bits. So, in other words, this factory is permanently closed.
(Soundbite of laughter)
BVO: I started Nutless Anonymous, a support group fur boys who have done the right thing and are fixed. There’s always a spot fur you, That. You’re welcomed to attend.
#bDN: Thanks, Baron, That is good to know, but I’m good. I embrace my nutlessness. I am a tireless champion for spaying and neutering. It promotes healthier lives fur anipals and it’s been proven to prolong healthy lives. I invite you to support the Spay and Neuter Assistance Program in your area.
Are there any other differences like, well.., age for instance?
FCL: Oh my dog, That, you ’bout as subtle as a hammer on a coconut!
(Soundbite of laughter)
FCL: I will have you know I am a norty cougar as defined by @kittehboi and proud of it! I take full advantage of this much younger pup every chance I get.
BVO: Have you ever seen a hotter Mrs. Robinson?
#bDN: Not quite this close..!
FCL: That! That..! My eyes are up here.
(Soundbite of laughter)
#bDN: The actual wedding ceremony took place on the beach in front of the couple’s South Beach mansion and was coordinated in no small part by @holliecatrocks, bicoastal anipal wedding and event planner.
@holliecatrocks, a 13 year old Tuxedo cat and her husband, @SamTheCatRocks are the Co-founders of (FSP) Food Share Program. To find out more about the Food Share Program, please visit their website at http://www.hollieferguson6.blogspot.com/
#bDN: Your hashtag was brilliant. The wrong hashtag could have attracted the wrong crowd, or worse, wedding crashers. I went to the anipal #poolside pawty and it was crashed by People who either didn’t realize or didn’t care these were anipals and the odd stuffed animal. Who was responsible for coming up with the hashtag?
FCL: Me! We like to joke that I am the hastag queen. I am always making something up. That happend to be barongeorgiawedding but very shortened.
BVO: She is the hashtag queen. And the Queen of my heart.
#bDN: So Baron, Flaca, you just pulled off the anipal wedding coup of the season. What are you gonna do next?
BVO and FCL: (laughing)We’re goin’ to Disney World!!!
(Soundbite of laughter)
BVO: Actually, we going down under.
(Soundbite of laughter)
#bDN: I want to thank my special guests today @baronvonodem and his beautibull bride, @flacatlady for being with us on this their wedding day, May 31, 2010. (Raises flute of champagne) Live long. Be happy, and prosper!
BVO and FCL: (Raises flutes of champagne) Here, here! Thank you for coming, That.
#bDN: Thank you for havin’ us. I’m ThatOne, and this has been #bullDogNATION Radio. Thanks fur listening.
♫Who can say what brought us to this miracle we’ve found?
There are those who’ll bet love comes but once, and yet,
I’m oh so glad we met the second time around.
Which brings us now to Merrill Markoe. Merrill Markoe is a comedian, comedy writer and author. She was one of the original writers for The David Letterman Show, and for a very long time they were partners on a personal level as well.
Currently, Ms Markoe performs at comedy clubs throughout the country and makes appearances on late night TV. She lives with four dogs: Jimmy, age 6, a Flatcoated Retriever and his wife Ginger, age 6, a Golden Retriever, Puppyboy age 12, a Tijuana Shepherd and Hedda, age 6, a Southern California Shepherd.
We likey her.
The beauty of dogs is we operate under the belief that everything in our world is concrete. There is no navigating abstractions, there are no “perceptions”, no hiding what you are (or are not). Yep, we Dogs are the model for keeping it real.
This is the theme in Act Four of Episode 339 of Chicago Public Radio‘s This American Life hosted by Ira Glass. In the segment titled Divorce Is Rrrufff!!!, the closing vignette is aboutwhatdivorce looks like in the eyes of her dog, a mixed-breed called Puppy Boy, voiced by Ms Markoe. Very funny.
At nearly ten minutes, it’s even more funny if you listen without the video. You can listen to Episode #339 in its entirety, or slide down to 51:24 on the dial and listen only to Ms Markoe’s performance which was recorded at Un-Cabaret in Los Angeles. Or you can watch the You Tube video.
❝And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…❞
This is ThatOne. For #bullDogNATION, thank you for joining us.
Several months ago, I had the unique, fun and exciting opportunity to sit down with a very special guest. Here is the complete transcript of That interview with Brian Griffin for #bullDog NATION Radio.
This is #bullDogNATION radio. I’m ThatOne.
T1: The satirical animated series “Family Guy” is well into its ninth season on Fox. My guest is one of the undisputed breakout stars of the series, Brian Griffin. Brian Welcome to #bullDogNATION radio.
Brian: It’s good to be here, ThatOne.
T1: “Family Guy” is the story of a dog owning family residing in Quahog, Rhode Island. The family patriarch is lovable oaf, Peter Griffin (voiced by Seth MacFarlane), his loving wife, Lois (voiced by Alex Borstein) a former Miss Teen Rhode Island who comes from wealth and marries down into middle class; and their three kids: sixteen year old Meg (Mila Kunis), who literally gets no respect, acceptance, attention or approval, thirteen year old Chris (Seth Green), rotund and pimply faced with a personality much like his father and who believes there’s an evil monkey hiding in his closet, and one year old Stewie, beyond precocious, a diabolically gifted toddler whose heterosexuality is hanging by a thread.
The subject matter is usually pretty adult, satirizing the right and the left, religion, politics, current events, the news, and pushing viewers to confront broader issues, such as racism, war, mob mentality, consumerism and religious fanaticism. Along with the satire, you get a lot of crude jokes about bodily functions or as Brian, the urbane family dog would put it:
Brian: (clears throat) Scatology.
(Soundbite of laughter)
In 2009, the show earned an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Comedy Series, making Family Guy only the second show in television animated history to be honored with such a distinction.
The show is in its 9th season, and it’s a runaway hit largely due to the shenanigans of my guest sitting here with me in the studio today. I’m excited to have you here, Brian, thank you for joining us.
Brian: Thank you, ThatOne, it’s great to be here in sunny San Diego. I love the #bullDogNATION, I love your blog, I love the show, so thanks for having me.
T1: Brian, you’ve had to overcome a lot of painful personal obstacles. You were born in a puppy mill in Austin, Texas. You’re an orphan with siblings who are scattered about the country who you will probably never know. And for a long time you had to live by your wits on the street as a homeless dog.
Brian: Yeah, Peter was the one who found me. I was actually panhandling, washing car windows on the side of a highway exit. He picked me up there right off the street and brought me home, so yeah, things were really hard for me in the beginning and for a long time, too.
T1: Is that where you developed your anthropomorphic qualities, your facility with language and the ability to walk bipedally?
(Soundbite of laughter)
Brian: Well you do what you have to do to survive, you know. You get a lot of goodwill from People. And you know this, That. When you’re able to sort of distinguish yourself and stand out from the crowd. Yeah, definitely walking upright makes People take notice. And a strong vocabulary is exceedingly helpful. Extinquishes a lot of misunderstanding, I think. Words are great. Words are fun. I love the English language.
T1: And a lot of other different languages, too, I understand. Let’s see, you speak.., you’re fluent in French, Tagalog, and Spanish?
Brian: I’m a little ashamed to admit my Spanish is not all that great. You would think living as I do in Los Angeles I would get a lot of opportunities to practice the language more, but no… It’s something I’m working on, though.
T1: And did you attend Brown University before or after you came to live with the Griffin family?
Brian: No, before. I didn’t complete the degree, though…
T1: Oh no..?
Brian: Typical story, you know, one class short of graduating. It’s something I will do. I will graduate college. It’s still my goal.
T1: What did you study? What was your major there at Brown?
Brian: I love language, and the music and flow of words when they’re put together well, so naturally I studied writing. I’m an avid reader and writer.
T1: And at least very briefly, you worked as a writer for the New Yorker?
Brian: (laughs) Brief would be a generous way of putting that, yes.
T1: And right now, in addition to your role on The Family Guy and your many personal appearances promoting the show, you’re also writing a book?
Brian: I actually have completed a book and I’m working on a second book. I’ve been at it for several years now. Everybody’s wondering if I’ll ever get it done. It’s been kinda crazy…
T1: While not seen holding a regular job in Quahog, Brian, on the show you’re often depicted owning a Toyota Prius car, paying bills, and maintaining a credit card. In one episode you’ve even been a substitute teacher at Chris’ school, a taxi driver and a drug-sniffing dog for the Quahog police department. Let’s see, you also sold cars when the Griffin family thought Peter had died in the episode “Perfect Castaways?”
Brian: I had several jobs on the show. While living in Los Angeles the writers’ had me working as a waiter, a car wash attendant, a screenwriter, a pornographic film director…
T1: We’ll have to talk about ThatOne at another time.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Brian: My character is pretty intellectually ambidextrous. And the audience relies on me to be the keeper of the continuity if you will.
T1: Indeed. It’s interesting you mention That. In contrast to the other characters on the show, you actually can remember things from episode to episode.
Brian: Yeah, I think of myself as the Ferris Bueller of The Family Guy, only instead of breaking the third wall literally….
T1: Breaking the third wall.., that’s when the character suddenly breaks character while in character to address the audience…
Brian: Seth MacFarlane and Seth Green are pretty clever…
T1: The creators and producers of the show…
Brian: Yeah, so we don’t have characters suddenly addressing the audience or looking into the camera at the audience, like they do in The Officeor Modern Family. My character either references or alludes to previous episodes. Our audience really likes that.
T1: As the most sensible member of the Griffin family, Brian, you very often have to take on the role as the voice of reason or as a mediator during family arguments.
Brian: It’s the typical sitcom formula in that regard because even though Peter is my best friend, clearly we are not intellectual peers. Peter is the historical dumb dad. It’s Brian’s job to show Peter how riddicules his plans are. He accepts criticism from Brian, even when it’s harsh. They have a very pragmatic friendship, I would say.
T1: Yeah, and your having such rapier wit and a great sense of humor goes a long way, I’m sure….
Brian: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.
T1: So tell me a little bit about the real Brian. It’s interesting your name is also Brian Griffin in real life…
(Soundbite of laughter)
Brian: Yeah, a lot of people don’t realize That.
T1: What makes Brian Griffin, the regular beagle at home, different from Brian Griffin on The Family Guy? What does he like? What doesn’t he like?
Brian: Our tastes are a lot alike, so it’s not that much of a stretch for me to play Brian. He has a sharp wit. He’s defined himself. He’s the dog he’s decided he is going to be. Not a peer group. Not a society. He decided who he is, how he behaves, and how he’s going to live his life. So he’s not wealthy. It doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate the finer things in life. It doesn’t make him inauthentic or pretentious or phony in my book. He is who he believes he is.
T1: Oh, I like That. He is who he believes he is. He’s a middle class dog with upper class sensibilities…
Brian: …having come from utter and abject poverty and lived the life of a homeless, orphaned, abandoned dog. Yes. He has refined and cultured his tastes. He loves opera and jazz, has vocal ability– You know, being able to sing all four parts to a barbershop quartet is no mean feat. That’s a unique talent, I would say.
T1: Umm.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Brian: Things I don’t like? I try to avoid this kind of list making. I don’t really like summing myself up that way but if I were hard pressed to mention things I would definitely mention Ashlee Simpson, Coldplay, Jamie Foxx, Usher and Kevin Federline. Justin Beiber, even. John Mayer…
(Soundbite of laughter)
T1: We’re pretty tough, Brian, but we’re not really that tough.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Brian: You dragged it all outta me. That is One tough interviewer.
(Soundbite of laughter)
T1: We talked already about how your experience as a homeless orphan living on the streets shaped you.
Brian: Ummm, hmmm…
T1: You’re an erudite, martini sipping, urbane, talking dog who chooses to walk on two feet like People. But what about the dog in you?
Brian: Ha ha “Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay?”
(Soundbite of laughter)
Brian: Well in my more private moments, I lick myself with my tongue. I scratch with my hind leg. I’m completely colorblind. I don’t like the sound of toilet flushing or the vacuum cleaner. Umm, let’s see.., Oh, I have trouble standing in cars. Dried pig’s ear is probably by far my favorite chew toy. I see you, too, have a similar preference for red collars…
(Soundbite of laughter)
T1: I do, and I like the rope toy that’s also supposed to floss your teeth.
(Soundbite of laughter)
T1: My guest today has been Brian Griffin star of the hit animated TV series The Family Guy currently enjoying its 9th season on Fox television. It’s a very funny show, one of my favorites. Brian, I want to congratulate you on the success of the show and wish you much continued success…
Brian: I’m enjoying the ride for however long it lasts.
T1: Thank you very much for coming here and talking with us.
Brian: Cool. Thank you very much.
T1: And I want to close with a little clip of Brian in action from an episode of The Family Guy, Bird is the Word!
You can watch full episodes of “Family Guy” by clicking on the any of the pictures of Brian on this post.
I’m ThatOne. This has been #bullDogNATION. Thank you for joining us.
Way back in September ThatOne | EBD published See In The Window, Magilla Gorilla, a post about Doggles. He♥L-O-V-E-S♥♡♥ ♥♡♥L-O-V-E-S♥♡♥ ♥♡♥L-O-V-E-S♥♡♥ his doggles! A lot of #bullDogNATION furriends love them, too!
So here now, celebrating responsible pet ownership and the love of dogs how ever they come, is the first ever #bullDogNATION Photo Gallery. The theme: Dogs In Doggles or DID.
Enjoy! And drop in on more of the fun at #bullDogNATION.
@BearBearD
@Bunnybell
Ladies Love Doggles!
Homer @phoenixkc
❤ @MaddyPooPoo
Molly @MollyandTullah
Sadie @bethacutler
Tullah @MollyandTullah
#bullDogNATION, thank you all so much for these wonderful submissions.
In Bark, D’Onofrio, currently of 
Bark. You ought’a dig it up!
So, I go see Burlesque. And 
The extreme close ups of 
Live!
100 min – Drama 
Do you have Coprophagia?
Well since the American bully was created by pairing the American Pit Bull Terrier and American Staffordshire Terrier, the American bully is not a hybrid, but it is not a breed, either. It is a breed type unrecognized by the American Kennel Club. A bulldog type breed, if you will.
Sighhhhhh. I lub Her.
A few days ago, a concerned bully brought this observation to the NATION:
If there is itching and scratching and foot licking, do a 
On 08/13 I looked like this: 
I don’t have a dense coat. Many of you already know that. You can see through my coat to my spotted skin. And I was shedding. A lot! Why? Allergies.
BVO: I started Nutless Anonymous, a support group fur boys who have done the right thing and are fixed. There’s always a spot fur you, That. You’re welcomed to attend.
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Several months ago, I had the unique, fun and exciting opportunity to sit down with a very special guest. Here is the complete transcript of That interview with Brian Griffin for #bullDog NATION Radio.
Brian: Thank you, ThatOne, it’s great to be here in sunny San Diego. I love the #bullDogNATION, I love your blog, I love the show, so thanks for having me.
Way back in September ThatOne | EBD published 
Our lives have gone to the dogs. We're the technical advisors and staff for #bullDogNATION. 
#bullDogEndorphiNATION 